Tag Archives: lazarus effect

“I will suggest what you want”

I am a writer in all my heart and body. With this I research a lot and I do mean hours in library and countless hours on internet on topics I don’t even think about in the morning. The idea that Google would recommend me my next search based on my previous “interests” is making me ill in mind. I already have this in Amazon – believe me, it is so weird to see next to each other “Wicker Man” (the novel), blue sapphire beeswax, Scott Cunningham books, Monster High dolls (I guess through Barbie doll I purchased?), Playmobil Underwater Motor (how?), Herbal medicine and Twilight dolls (again – that one bought Barbie). I don’t even search half of this stuff!

I research murder typology  – does this mean that I’m CSI investigator? I need to learn more about torture to reassess if the character profile is coherent with the story he tells – does this make me raise my hand and support torture? I need to find out if a bomb affects the cafeteria glasses in the next street – am I a possible terrorist thanks to this? No, I’m not! But Google will make me into one and I can’t wait the time when some officer in home security (or as the world is going – American home security sounds plausible) picks me up to inquire my interest list that Google has highlighted for them in red.

In the same light, I wonder what they could possibly read out of my latest research? I’ll make it easier for you and give you the list: Treblinka extermination camp, Lazarus effect and syndrome, Mattel’s latest Barbie models, Irmfried Eberl (in relation with Tiergartenstraße 4), Cremation, Pysanka, Love mode, Leader role, Sugar price, Preppers ideas, Survival Under Atomic Attack, Consistency of a drug called benzoylmethylecgonine.  

First – Treblink, Lazarus, Irmfried, cremation. One would say I have cunning interest in Nazzy worldview, including unreachable, radical, disturbed ideas for ideological views.
Reality: I’m researching a book that is based on one woman’s experience in after match of the conflict that grew from that camp. Lazarus syndrome is a surprise find from the side that caught my eye. Barbie in-between all this means I’m still in the Barbie mood and I check what new is up in the world of Barbie. Cremation came right after as I recalled an old story of mine and I needed to check how much human bone is left after cremation of a body. Much more than I expected actually.

Pysanka sounds a weird name, doesn’t it? Relates nicely with Treblinka – they sound similar so they are about the same country, right?
Reality: Pysanky is art of coloring Easter eggs inUkraine. I have collected white egg shells for several months to try this egg art out this year. They are seriously pretty, really! And it has nothing to do with the camp!

Love mode?
Love mode is a manga series. I read it when I was 16. My brother is still having laughing fits over this, especially as I’m searching one particular story from the series and now Amazon is “kindly” offering me all their yaoi line… But I seriously recommend to put your prejudice aside and read it through first, before you jump in childish giggles of this being yaoi (I so love how the automatic translator keeps trying to change the word into Yahoo). It taught me how complex and complicated the thing called love actually is.

I’m reading book on roles a leader has in a group, how the problems can affect the entire group, etc.

Sugar price and prepping ideas. I’m a squirrel in summer and autumn. Can’t help it, it’s in my blood. Unfortunately the rest of the world sees this kind of behavior not as something normal, but as obsessive prepping disease. Who needs food storage with our current access to food, right? It’s not normal! Oh yes it is if your closest shop’s prices are close to double compared with everywhere else and you don’t go out sometimes week at the time. It’s called managing your life with the little you have got. I’m sorry if this looks weird to outsiders, but it’s been our lifestyle since I have ever known it and it is as common here as grass on the fields.

Survival Under Atomic Attack. Mixed with the previous search and it gives a very weird ideas. In reality I just happened on it when going over some bunker idea I found and I would like to ask in return – are you people nuts? You actually believe this kind of ideas? It’s fully idiotic 4 page pamphlet! But utterly adorable in it’s simplicity and cuteness.

 Consistency of a drug called benzoylmethylecgonine. Oh I can totally see how this added to the prepper ideas and building a bunker and Treblinka can work! Riiight. Benzoylmethyleconine in short is cocaine. I wanted to know what it is made of. Why? Don’t remember – it seemed good idea at the time, but it didn’t hold water, so I already forgot.

To conclusion I would like to say that though I research Nazi ideas, I am not left-wing extremist. I believe that under the skin we all have pink muscles and red blood. I do not believe correcting the world by removing part of it through cleaning actions to improve it either and I do not support tortuing any body. Nor do I believe in end of the world or plan self sufficient housing where to hide in case of apocalypse or plan to create illegal business to support such lifestyle and hide from government’s eyes.

I’m a writer. If Google “suggests” me what I should think or gives me only responses that suit my previous needs or some people’s needs, who is working on the same sort of project or local area needs, my government’s needs, then how do you expect me to come up with something original? How can I work out ideas if others don’t find it useful and thus Google has hidden it in some back list of their top billion search results?

I am against this “I will suggest what you want” policy. Even I don’t know what I want  before I come up with the idea and need to research it and if I do I want answers that hold the water, not are popular around in the current area. Nor do I want replies that reflect what I thought about a week or two earlier. My ideas change and I want my research to help me to develop, not degrade back to what I used to be.

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